“Did you give the kids their baths?”

“What kids?”

Endless, useless polls abound on the subject of household chores, as if statistics will somehow shame men into sprinting for the Spray ’n Wash.

One poll I came across sought to determine the depth of couples’ feelings by asking some strange questions.

Women were asked this: Would you prefer to watch a man wash dishes or dance naked?

A mere 24 percent said they’d prefer the latter. The majority of respondents said they’d prefer to watch a guy elbow-deep in soapsuds.

If men were asked the same question, 98 percent would say they’d prefer to eyeball some nude dancing. And the other 2 percent would say dancing wasn’t necessary, as long as the woman was naked.

The poll also asked questions of men, such as: Have you ever botched chores to get out of doing them again?

Fourteen percent admitted they had screwed something up on purpose.

That’s not a high figure. But if you stop to consider that the other 86 percent have probably screwed something up without even trying, you have yet another entry point for marital strife over chores.

An endless battle in an endless war.

Brian Ojanpa is a Free Press staff writer. Call him at 344-6316 or e-mail bojanpa@mankatofreepress.com .